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HEALING MY ESSENCE: CHAPTER 11

Today we are going to talk about letting go and not carrying what is not ours.


More than 2 years ago, my family's situation changed. In one month my mother was involved in a very strong situation that herself created. My mother and I both worked for the same company, which is partly owned by the government. My mother decided to do internal paperwork in addition to the work for which she was hired and in return she got money apart of her salary. In my country this is not considered legal, so within a day she was caught by the police and brought to court to account for what she had done.


That day I received the news by phone, I remember that the world fell under my feet, I lost track of time and I called my brother who was still asleep, when I told him he didn't understand what was happening either, we thought it was a joke but the more we tried not to believe, the more the reality became clearer.


That day we went to where the authorities told us to go, from a distance I saw my mother next to a policeman who was carrying her on his arm. It was a moment that I confess was really strong, perhaps one of the strongest I have ever experienced in my life. My mother looked unbalanced, pale, gone. It was a really shocking episode.


Hours went by and it was like that all day long. My mother was being moved from one place to another place along with other people. I saw her later handcuffed, tremendous emotions at that moment everything stopped. That's how it was that day and that night, my mother had to sleep in the dungeons, I felt helpless, unable to help her. At one point I was able to approach her and hug her, I told her "Mummy, you are not alone, I will take care of everything, you will be fine".


With these words, in the middle of a crisis that today I see as learning, and with all the emotion that I said them, I carried myself, I took the weight off her shoulders. I carried myself, I unintentionally took weight off my mother's shoulders. I took on a burden that was not mine, because on several occasions and knowing that my mother was carrying out these acts that were frowned upon by the law, I warned her of that mistake, but I was not listened to.


The back pains were not long in coming, it was her burden, it was her karma, my mother herself had chosen it and I took on half of that heavy burden.

As expected and as we were in the same company, it took days before they asked for my resignation, so I had to resign. As I did not have the means to support a home or my daughter, I returned to my mother's house. By that time and today I know that only thanks to the Source of Infinite Love, my mother in spite of the crime was not sent to jail, but on the contrary she was sent home awaiting trial.


Having decreed those words of carrying what is not mine and returning to my mother's house, I was imprisoned with her. I didn't like to go out, although I looked for a job on the internet. Nothing ever came of it. My path was blocked, few consultancies came out and each one of them I thank the Source, because they generated economic income that somehow helped me to collaborate in the house.


For a while we lived on savings, but later the means of subsistence were the money orders that an aunt made for the market and services and the money that the father of my daughter sent monthly and that today I see with gratitude, because during those 2 years, it was the only permanent thing that came into my bank account.


Before, in the arrogance that I lived in, I used to disown my daughter's father for the contribution he was sending, I humiliated him by telling him that he was not supporting me, that he should not be deluded. Today when I wake up I see that he has been a great blessing and that he continues to be so because he has been our support month after month in this great trial of life. From my being to your being I thank the father of my daughter and my teacher for having given me your help. Thanks to you and may the Source always bless and prosper him.


And so the time passed. Between hearings and anguish, we were able to get through the process. My mother, though blessed to be in the house, and having lived through this trial of life that she herself had created, did not change her ways, or changed them superficially. While I tried to learn from the process, now my mother judged me.


As time passed and I learned from the Source and my guidance, I realized that I should not have been burdened with what did not belong to me. In a meditation I called my mother's being by her full name, and with love and respect I returned, making a hand movement from my back to the front of me with force, that which I had picked up that day of anguish, to let go of that suitcase.


It was a huge break, my back magically stopped hurting. And although I love my mother I know that she has to learn from her own mistakes, because these are the lessons that life teaches us. I let go of that burden and asked the universe to open my paths, the ones I had blocked myself by carrying other people's burdens.


Being mother, father, children, spouses, the beings that one loves most in existence, they are independent of oneself and it is they who have to live the experiences they have chosen.

The truth is that carrying on our backs what is not ours, adds more weight to what is ours to live and blocks aspects of life that make us ask "Why is this happening? What bad thing did I do? When the answer is right in front of us.


To complement the narration of my experience, I remember that recently my daughter's father arranged to pick her up after three months of not seeing her. My daughter was happy, but he didn't come and didn't answer when I called him. My daughter became sad and I cried as a mother, seeing the indifference of her father. At that moment the Source reminds me that my daughter chose her mother and father because she has something to learn from each of them. He is not my burden, I did not choose him. In that moment the sadness left. I remembered that my daughter chose and that it is not my experience. I continue to learn and humbly acknowledge that I must continue to work on myself. Thank you Source of Love, thank you.


Siblings, I invite you to evaluate yourselves from your being and analyse what baggage you are carrying, when your own baggage is full. I embrace you from love, wishing you freedom and peace.

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